Wherein I torture Larry

1/31/10 - The Lord's Day - Morning. Greetings y'all. Today's post is a little off-topic. Larry and I have been somewhat stuck in Austin for a few days because Santa Anna got so much rain(close to 4") and the mud is such that we wouldn't be able to drive on the property anyway. So, instead of heading home on Friday, it is the Lord's Day and we are still in Austin. So yesterday Larry asked me if I wanted to go with him to Fry's. If you don't have a Fry's where you live, Fry's is a huge consumer electronics store, and apparently they have some type of attraction to Asians, because Larry and I were one of very few non-Asians in the store - and the store was PACKED, I mean it was like a Hong Kong fish market in there. Anyway, on with the story...

I have a sense of humor that is... different. Some things make me laugh that might not make anyone else laugh, ever. But we have a saying in our group.... "Sometimes they're just for me". So, as I was walking into Fry's with Larry, it occurred to me how funny it was to be walking into a consumer electronics superstore full of Asians with a man who looks exactly like Ernest Hemingway...

That picture is of Larry. Just in case you don't get the resemblance:

So I had an idea. I love the non-sequitur. I also love irony. One of the funnest things for me to do is to go up to clerks or waitresses or other people who work in large establishments and ask really, really off-the-wall questions... questions that usually involve either a non-sequitur or irony. Like, sometimes when I am checking out at a grocery store and I notice that the items I am buying are completely non-related... like say... some batteries and a head of lettuce, I will say to the checker, "Are those the right batteries for that lettuce?" with a straight face.

The beard and Amish look goes a long way in comedy. Try this, go to the Wal-Mart or any electronics product store and ask for "non-electric" items, like "do you have any non-electric laptops?". Those are gold.

Anywho.... I was walking into the Fry's with Larry and I thought of something that made me laugh so I said to Larry, "Larry, I will give you one dollar in quarters (I only had 3 dollars... all in quarters) if you will go up to the clerk in the DVD area and ask for a DVD on bullfighting." Larry didn't flinch a bit, so we head over to the DVD area. I kid you not, Larry, who looks exactly like Ernest Hemingway, walked right up to the clerk and said, "Do you have any DVD's on bullfighting?". I was laughing hysterically inside, but the clerk didn't get it because he was under 30 and probably had no idea who Hemingway was. It turns out that Fry's does have the documentary "The Matador" that I linked to a few days ago, in case you were wondering.

So the rest of the trip I was peppering Larry with things to ask clerks for, but I think he grew tired of me and didn't do them. Some examples:

"Go to the electronics area and ask them if they have a 'crock pot to USB' adapter, or a blue tooth connection for your crock pot".

"Go ask them if they have a TESLA coil for your crock pot"

On the Hemingway thing, I was trying to get him to ask the clerks if there were any "expatriats in the area who sit around and drink Sangria and move from cafe to cafe?", or at least to ask them where the Sangria section was in the store.

It went on-and-on for a half-hour, but I couldn't get him to do any more because they were so ridiculous. Seriously, I think that "Tesla coil/crock pot" thing was hilarious. I still laugh when I think about it, but... some of them are just for me.

Your servant in Christ Jesus,

Michael Bunker

P.S. Just to prove that not everyone gets my sense of humor, here is a link to a very ironical picture of Obama with a Coke...